Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
MIDGETS
????
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
