Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
