The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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