New low: just hacked my moms facebook
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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