I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
