Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
