god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
