im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
