Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
