Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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