i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
