I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
