last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I could fuck to npr.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize