I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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