you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
