Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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