There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
