woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize