riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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