I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
