Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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