two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
