Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
