Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
