i barfeds in our rink
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
