Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
