The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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