What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize