Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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