Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
NoShamevember. You game?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
