I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
