Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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