i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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