I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize