So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
