you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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