Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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