Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
