i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
