I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
