So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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