i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm passing your future prison.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
