It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
