Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
