Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
