She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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