Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
