I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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