I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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