i don't like sucking hair
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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