The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
