Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This house was built for laser tag.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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