Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
