i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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