Tell her she can't have a vagina
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
