My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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