you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
