Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
