On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
