Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
