You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
should my penis look like a turkey
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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