Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
