Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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