Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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