I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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