We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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