Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
