And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
