A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
