That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize