Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
